Challenge Day 8- 12 Hours of Weakness

Operation "No Jacking it for Two Weeks" has not officially been aborted, but it is under consideration. The operation is a failure, but one I'd like to see go to completion. However, now that I have broken down it is a bit too easy to rationalize doing it again, which is exactly what I did this morning before leaving for class. It was another very quick masturbation session that only took a few minutes.

I feel much better now though. My desire to get off has lowered to more manageable levels and I feel like I can again bear to go a while without masturbating. The new goal officially is through next Monday.

The lesson I am taking from this is in when and why I should masturbate. Before I started this challenge, my habit was to masturbate once, sometimes twice* a day. And it became just that, a habit. I did it because I thought and had to and it was just something to do.

I shouldn't just masturbate daily, because I masturbate daily. The goal shouldn't be to start masturbating to become aroused. The goal should be to masturbate when I am aroused. It has been much more pleasurable to do after going a while with out doing it than it had been when I had made it routine.

So, I'm going to make certain that my next post here isn't about me masturbating or not masturbating. I'll update this as well, but I think I should branch out a little bit before too long.

Thanks for reading

-Michael

*On rare occasion more often than that**.
**Much less often now than when I was say 15***.

Today's Turn-on: Hipster Girl

Challenge Day 7- Failure

I broke tonight. I tried my best, but I gave in. A grouchy and anxious Michael masturbated and had an orgasm in less than a minute*. So, the two week thing didn't work out. I did make it a week though, so that's something I guess.

The plan is to continue as though the challenge is still in effect though. So, no masturbating until next Monday (if I can help it.)

I don't even feel that bad about it right now. I'm just relieved. I'm sure I'll feel bad tomorrow when I wake up, but right now its just relief.

This would be a lot easier if I wasn't thinking so much about it. Forcing yourself not to masturbate just makes you want to do it all the more. The periods that I've gone more than a day without masturbating before have mostly been because I was up to something. I was busy, staying at another person's house or suffering emotional turmoil.

This time I was in my same old routine**. I just had removed something that is particularly pleasurable and basically ended up replacing it with wishing that I was doing what I had forbade myself from doing. I probably should've planned this better and made lifestyle changes.

If anyone would like to think of a punishment, I probably deserve it. General rules are free and not harmful to anyone.

Thanks for reading

-Michael

*To be honest, I reached a point where I was going to cum whether I my penis out or not.
**I didn't see Emma's comment until after this.

Today's Turn-on: I will give this to a random girl I saw celebrating after Manchester City won the EPL championship today. She was wearing an item that I find particularly alluring.

Challenge- Day 5

I was thinking I was going to write everyday about this, but my life isn't that interesting and not masturbating only lends itself to so many topics. It feels like it's been a lot longer than five days. The calendar is a bitch. Anyway, I am horny* and irritated, but I will persist**.

The not masturbating thing has been good in the amount of time it saves me. Especially lately with my difficulties in achieving orgasm, it took a long fucking time just to get off. I'm not even sure if an orgasm is worth much of one's day.

Putting that philosophical question behind us, time is quite valuable to me right now. I have a big literary research paper's first draft due on Monday and I didn't start reading the book until yesterday (I have since finished it, because it's short and easy.) I've found some outside sources as well and that will be enough for the first draft. However, I like to make my first drafts pretty damn good; a paper that is mostly finished just not proof-read. This makes the night before the final draft is due so much easier.

Back to the actual topic, I'm not sure if this is causing me to be more grouchy or if it's other factors. Everything is irritating me it seems. People talk to loudly. The phone rings too loudly. That really could be other factors. I've spent a lot of time this week not knowing whether it was anxiety or allergies that was making it hard to breathe***.

I hope there is some gambling action on whether or not I'm going to make it

-Michael

*I would be horny regardless
**Unless I don't
***I think allergies most of the times.

Today's Turn-on: There is a lady who teaches a class at our office once a month and I think she's cute and she was there today.

Challenge Day 2- Balls

The second day sans masturbating went pretty well at least in terms of not masturbating. All the things in my body that occasionally decide to hurt all decide to start hurting at one today. My left heel, right knee, my stomach, my left index finger and shoulder, neck and head all were hurting today. My testicles don't' hurt though, so that's a plus. Of course, there would be no expectation of them to be hurting, because things don't work that way regardless of what horny teenagers say. Going too long without an orgasm has never been a cause of ball pain for me. I've experienced to types of testicular pain:

1. Direct contact- Not much explaining here. Anything that strikes that area with even a little bit of force is likely to cause a lot of pain

2. Random- Sometimes my testicles just hurt. I think most of the time it after a masturbation session. Lots of nerves down there and they're particularly sensitive after orgasm, so that isn't really surprising. This type of pain is less severe and more dull that the aforementioned, but it can last for  a while.

There, I presume, is a third type of pain. It's one that I hope to never experience, but one that is important to be aware of. This type would be associated with some sort of health problem and I would suggest never being hesitant in getting that checked out. Embarrassing it might be to have whip out your ball for a doctor, but it's better than losing them.

So, things are going pretty well, but it is still very early in this process. I just want to clear up that I will push the abort button on this, if I start losing my current good mood. My hope is that it won't come to that and that I will be able to fight off the horniness.

Thanks for reading

-Michael

Dooowwwwnnnn Here. Given the subject matter of this blog and my attempt to destigmatize such things, I am going to start ending post by telling you all about something that turned me on.

Today's Turn-on:  It is rare that something will get my attention at work and today was no exception. On every other Tuesday, I get to go to the bank to deposit my check and see left-handed/engaged bank teller. However, she wasn't there today. All is never lost, because the internet (particularly Tumblr..) I am avoiding certain websites that I may frequent when I'm allowed to touch myself, but the internet always produces photos of pretty people and for that I am thankful.

Introduction and Challenge- Day One

Introduction

Sarah, if you're reading this, go away. 

Believe it or not, typically I have a pretty strong filter for my blogs. The main motivation for this is the knowledge that my sister will read them and no one needs to know certain things about their sibling. I often find myself leaving things out of posts or not writing about certain subjects because of her. Mostly that has to do with sex. Not that I'm having any, ever, but still it's something that sometimes I'd like to discuss.

It isn't going to be porn*. We're going to use mature terms for our parts. Even if it is stigmatized or awkward to talk about these things we're going to pretend it's not.

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Challenge

I have been having a bit of problem lately. It's not a huge one, but still a problem. I have been having a hard time achieving an orgasm a lot of the time. This is likely a side-effect of the Prozac I'm taking as it really started with the increased dose I started taking more than a month ago. I might be willing to bring this up with my Doctor, but she also happens to be the person who signs my paychecks and someone I see everyday.

I don't think it's a serious issue; at least not serious enough to warrant giving up on the medication, because of the positive effects it has had on me in other areas. Also, all the drugs in the SSRI category have the risk of the same side effect.

So, the issue becomes only becomes major once a masturbation session takes a ridiculous amount of time. I have had to give up a few times, which is kind of disconcerting. I masturbate to get off and having to give up that goal is disappointing.

This problem has gotten better over the past week. The only change is that an injury has forced me to switch the hand with which I masturbate. It is a strange feeling, but I wasn't having any other problems that the usual ones caused by using a strange hand.

Recently, I found this YouTube channel via Emma's Youtube page. It is all about sex and the like and found this video, which is the basis for this challenge:

http://youtu.be/RWyCbHtd-Tg

I not getting off during sex, because I'm not having any. However, the not masturbating for two weeks things seems like it might be a good idea, because my penis is pretty trained to only respond to my left hand and it I think it is pretty desensitized to it, which is probably exacerbating the problem.

So today is the first day and my goal is to get through Sunday, May 20th without getting myself off. I mean it isn't challenging yet, because I haven't been masturbating *everyday* for a few months. However, since I learned that I had the ability to do it I've haven't gone a week without getting myself off. So, I'm sure it will turn into a struggle pretty soon, but as of now I'm doing alright.

My primary concern is the affect that this may have on my mood. When I was having a really bad depressive episode earlier this year, I found that I wasn't masturbating almost at all. Being alone in your room with your penis in your hand is kind of sad, shameful thing; at least in the eyes of society, but I found orgasm to be a very effective mood elevator and that could totally offset any shame that I might have felt afterwards.

Thanks for reading

-Michael

*Erotic Literature is fun, but is best kept to the dark corners of the internet under aliases.